Conflict comes in various forms. Through the different avenues of dispute, we are constantly faced with the decision is this a conflict to let go of or address? During this time, our minds dance around with thoughts of “What if I say this…”, “Well, they need to know how it hurt me.”, and “Aren’t we suppose to face conflict?”. The uncertainty of how to move forward in the moment of conflict is one not too many of us get to opt out of facing.
After we have decided on the next steps of addressing conflict, we are convinced that our choice is the most beneficial way. Therefore, we collect our thoughts and words. Then confidently believe that our decision will bring the most significant results. So we move in for the opposition, ready for what we think will be a productive moment in time that oozes with personal growth for us and all others involved.
After it is all over, time shows us that when you addressed that conflict, it did not produce any results. It can leave you confused and frustrated, questioning what went wrong because your points were valid. However, the tricky part of a conflict that we don’t always see is the deception intertwined with our reasoning when we are internally deciding the best way to handle conflict.
Deception steps into our reasoning and takes the side that if we do not say anything, then nothing will be done. It tells us that our thoughts and emotions will not be heard. People will not see how they hurt us. It feeds a silent fear within us and grows an understanding of why we should handle it in a way that is contrary to improvement and development.
Deception never tells us that what we are doing is addressing the conflict from a place of control using self and emotions. Ultimately we are living in the denial stage with hopes our attempts will change the trajectory of the thoughts and actions we see and know are true.
However, conflict is a place of growth when we choose to remove ourselves and respond appropriately in silence or communication.
Conflict can show us that change is needed in our life. Change to let friendships go. Change to leave situations. Change to find a new job. Change to address issues personally.
But change can only happen when we choose not to live in the deceit of conflict and allow it to move through our life with purpose as we stand ready for all it was created to teach us.
This week as the conflict enters into your life, be courageous and stand firm as you clear your mind of deceit and see disputes that arise with clarity that produces growth in your life.
Windy Wen 